tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78794544109288894262012-02-01T23:45:43.554-08:00A free resource for parents interested in improving their relationships with their children to find out more about the parenting skills taught in the program, Parent Effectiveness Training.Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.comBlogger2491100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-84949046928144105512012-02-01T16:21:00.000-08:002012-02-01T16:21:49.944-08:00

Recently there was a very anti-Parent Effectiveness Training article written by John Rosemond, which was published here:http://www.thestarpress.com/article/20120124/LIFESTYLE/201240301 (Warning, this may cause your blood to boil). Linda Adams, the President of Gordon Training International, wrote a reply and sent it to the editor. We strongly encourage you to share your comments with the editor

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-52197427965232091552012-01-25T16:09:00.000-08:002012-01-25T16:09:19.136-08:00

One of the number one complaints we hear from parents is that their kids don't do as their told and that they disobey "the rules." On the other hand, when using P.E.T. methods to set rules parents find more often than not, that these same kids end up adhering to the rules that are set. But why is this so? What is the key difference in setting rules the "traditional" way versus setting rules the

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-26389910556566228252012-01-18T16:48:00.000-08:002012-01-18T16:48:38.317-08:00

So you've decided that you want to learn more about being a "better" parent. After all, it is widely considered to be the most important job you can ever take on. While that's true, you might also be realizing that you have no experience, skill or education on how to effectively raise a responsible and happy child. The stuff that you're trying now just isn't working and you feel terrible every

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-50614831487140670182012-01-04T16:28:00.000-08:002012-01-04T16:39:06.385-08:00

Greetings and Happy New Year!We've got so much to be excited about this year and on top of it all, 2012 marks the 50th anniversary of Parent Effectiveness Training. Yes that's right, Dr. Thomas Gordon taught the very first P.E.T. class to parents back in 1962!Our 50 Year Anniversary is a major accomplishment for us and is a reminder to how many parents and families lives P.E.T. has affected

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-1915188462924392812011-12-14T16:38:00.000-08:002011-12-14T16:48:56.003-08:00

Here is an adorable story from one of our P.E.T. Instructors about a recent conversation she had with her daughter. We thought we'd share it with you:My daughter (just turned 9 years old) and I were spending sometime together, picking raspberries, and having a general chat. I told her that I only had two more PET classes for the year. Mydaughter said, “Oh no, the parents might forget over the

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-71208616170729800842011-12-07T16:29:00.000-08:002011-12-07T16:51:24.986-08:00

Considering that 2011 hasn't even ended yet, we are pleased to see an impressive lineup for 2012 already! Check out our website calendar to find out all of the upcoming P.E.T. workshops coming soon near you. You can always check back the link here for regular updates and new additions:http://www.gordontraining.com/parent-programs/p-e-t-workshops-for-parents/P.E.T. Workshop

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-16500806499980288832011-11-30T14:06:00.000-08:002011-11-30T14:09:31.801-08:00

We'd love if you shared your thoughts with us on this video and the idea of influencing children. Please comment below or check out our YouTube channel for more videos like this.

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-71979860884616424922011-11-16T14:40:00.000-08:002011-11-16T14:49:23.334-08:00

A few weeks ago, we published a Q &A from a mother of two boys. If you missed it, you can read it here. Here's another response, directly from one of our long-time Certified P.E.T. Instructors:Dear Anonymus, It looks like you are saying that yelling seems to help, as only when you yell they do what you want them to do? On the other hand you do not like to yell and you would rather want them to do

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-55005137185849701732011-11-10T16:21:00.000-08:002011-11-10T16:25:41.573-08:00

Long time P.E.T. Instructor, Kathryn, explains the difference between authoritarian parenting styles versus parenting with P.E.T. Watch this touching video to hear about her experience:Let us know what you think - please comment and share!

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-56962940211306867962011-11-02T16:03:00.000-07:002011-11-02T16:30:36.783-07:00

Question: When my sons don't do their chores (especially homework) sometimes I will yell at them and then they will do it. First I will ask them to do something very politely and most of the time they won't listen. But when I yell, they will do what they're told right away. I don't want to yell at them and I have asked them why they don't do things when I ask them nicely. Please help.Dear

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-10255680070680017992011-10-26T16:15:00.000-07:002011-10-31T10:46:23.054-07:00

Greetings and Happy Holiday Pre-Season to all. We hope you're all enjoying the cool transition into Fall and are all keeping warm and cozy.We are due for another contest giveaway and this is going to be a big one! This season, we will be giving away one free Family Effectiveness Training program, plus a few other surprise goodies. You can think of it as a "care package" of things that you and

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-63160904332688925162011-10-18T15:41:00.000-07:002011-10-18T16:58:52.656-07:00

Yesterday morning, we met up with a handful of our Southern-Californian Certified P.E.T. Instructors. It was an encouraging and exciting meeting, where we were able to discuss further promotion of P.E.T. Workshops and the Instructors who teach them. We're so thrilled to be bringing more P.E.T. to Southern California and we wanted to share the news. Coming soon, we will be having much more

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-36206301805279248102011-10-13T16:06:00.000-07:002011-10-13T16:18:37.668-07:00

With an recent increase in P.E.T. feedback in the last two weeks, we thought we would share some of it with you:As a father of a 13 year old boy and 2 twins 28 months ( Boy and Girl ) I just finished reading the book and was very inspired. I've already tried the technique with my oldest and I already see some progress. I look forward to the classes.- P.E.T. Book ReaderI wanted you to know that

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-27154850648533150602011-10-06T16:31:00.000-07:002011-10-06T16:50:31.967-07:00

Before Parent Effectiveness Training or P.E.T., handling a problem with your child or teen usually means one of two things: either you punish them or you let them "get away with it." We were all raised to believe that these are our only options. The world we live in still tells us that these are our only two choices when it comes to handling children.When problems arise, it can be our initial

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-68662690605163402322011-09-28T15:26:00.000-07:002011-09-29T14:34:05.226-07:00

A parent sent in a familiar question to us recently, confused about how to handle the issue of drugs and alcohol with her teen. We thought we should share this with you all:My question for you is what to do if your teenageris doing something dangerous to their health such as doing drugs ordrinking? I don't see how we could find a common ground solution tosomething like that....Dear Anonymous,

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-82747600048439085852011-09-22T16:22:00.000-07:002011-09-22T16:36:37.336-07:00

There have been two extensive reviews of P.E.T. course evaluation studies. The first, by Ronald Levant of Boston University, reviewed 23 different studies. The author concluded that many of the studies had methodological discrepancies. Nevertheless, out of a total of 149 comparisons between P.E.T. and control groups or alternative programs, 32% favored P.E.T., 11% favored the alternative group,

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-68622042031400882802011-09-14T15:13:00.000-07:002011-09-14T15:26:34.367-07:00

This is the story of a recent P.E.T. graduate, who has three boys - aged 6, 4 and 1. Before attending the course, bath times at her place were a real issue, causing tension and arguments. This is her story:“During the weeks of the P.E.T. course, I used the Method III approach to solve my ‘bath time’ problem with the boys.I sat down with my older boys (while the little one was playing around us

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-67594658485130286312011-09-07T15:59:00.000-07:002011-09-07T16:47:10.493-07:00

I wish I were here reporting glorious sightings of P.E.T. parents in action, but this series will be the opposite of that. For the purposes of reinforcement, conversation-starting and sharing, I lament on these real-life stories of parenting...gone wrong (or non-P.E.T. in our case).Between the hours after work and before bed, public places can be a zoo of parent-child arguments. While at the

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-705355791085187612011-08-31T08:45:00.000-07:002011-08-31T10:18:04.585-07:00

Explaining P.E.T. to doubtful parents is a challenge that I take on with eagerness. In its most common form, P.E.T. skepticism shows up as the assumption that it's the type of parenting that allows the child to run the show. Some parents say, "That sounds great, but it wouldn't work on my kids. If I don't set limits, punish, show them who's boss (etc.), then my kids won't respect me, behave, do

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-89756862355182098032011-08-24T16:12:00.000-07:002011-08-24T16:30:35.956-07:00

Most parents have gotten use to kid-proofing their homes to prevent child endangerment. In this same school of thought, changing the physical environment can also prevent unacceptable behaviors and conflicts to arise. Here are six ways to modify the environment so that unacceptable behavior can be minimized or prevented entirely: Adding to the Environment1. Enriching: introducing activities or

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-37674011451535587202011-08-11T09:57:00.001-07:002011-08-17T15:56:01.094-07:00

If you think getting fired from your job is bad enough, you might want consider the following before your children do the same... As children grow into adolesence and begin to realize that their needs can be fulfilled outside of the home, they will often sever the relationship with their parents. No matter social class, religious background or ethnicity, this epidemic is a vitrual certainty

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-88715111323079587902011-08-10T15:33:00.000-07:002011-08-11T16:35:03.675-07:00

An Alternative to Praise(excerpted from the P.E.T. textbook) When I first started P.E.T., I-Messages were presented solely as an effective method for confronting children when their behavior was unacceptable. Many parents were puzzled by this limited use of the I-Message and asked perceptively, "Why not use the I-Message to communicate your positive or appreciative feelings when your kid's

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-13338532956280778772011-07-11T14:06:00.000-07:002011-07-11T14:52:14.735-07:00

Hello fellow P.E.T. parents and followers,While browsing through the F.E.T. workbook (otherwise known as the F.E.T. Adult Resource Book), I came across several myths, truths and principles about parenting that I thought should be reinforced to the public eye!In no order of importance, here they are:Parenting Myths1. Myth: Parents should always present a "united front" to children Truth: Your

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-15777767270349896672011-06-15T13:31:00.000-07:002011-06-15T15:30:32.487-07:00

Recently, I spoke with a P.E.T. Instructor who says that she has been coming across more parents these days who claim to already have a well-balanced and happy lifestyle with their children and therefore are not in need of Parent Effectiveness Training. This of course, is great news to be heard, although it leaves some skepticism.When elaborating more upon what it meant to them to have this

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-77481219110602067332011-06-08T13:26:00.000-07:002011-06-08T14:12:14.260-07:00

There might not be anything more humiliating for teenagers than their embarrassing parents. Even as an adult, I still have a few of those mortifying memories like "that one time when Dad started line-dancing in the parking lot."Today on ABC's "Good Morning America", I couldn't help but smile when watching their segment on a Utah father who embarrassed his teenage son every weekday morning by

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-82822744349412809412011-06-01T12:30:00.000-07:002011-06-01T13:15:59.664-07:00

I am now convinced that most theories about the "stress and strain of adolescence" have focused incorrectly on such factors as adolescent' physical changes, their emerging sexuality, their new social demands, their struggle between being a child and an adult, and so on. This period is difficult for children and parents largely because adolescents become so independent of their parents that they

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-83589441037524981342011-05-25T13:26:00.000-07:002011-05-25T15:09:27.624-07:00

In P.E.T., Instructors teach many valuable tools to communicate more effectively, specifically when it comes to expressing your own feelings. In the workshop, we practice the use of sharing our positive or negative feelings via I-Messages. The funny thing is, some parents tend to have a longer list of those negative ones!Anger and frustration are emotions commonly shared among most (if not all)

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-67122074157612738252011-05-18T11:55:00.000-07:002011-05-18T13:26:43.204-07:00

Greetings to all of our P.E.T. Fans and Followers!Gordon Training International is proud to announce our first eBook publication, available on Kindle and Amazon now!Author of the best-selling "Parent Effectiveness Training" (P.E.T.), Dr. Thomas Gordon's "Teaching Children Self-Discipline" is known to be one of his best works. Dr. Gordon addresses the number one concern of parents and teachers

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-30815271249875482712011-05-11T11:43:00.000-07:002011-05-13T13:43:12.652-07:00

One of the most popular parenting theories debated is whether or not both parents need to be "coming from the same place." According to this stance, both parents should always back each other up so that that their child is led to believe that their two parents have one voice and that they both feel the same way about a particular behavior.In the words of Dr. Thomas Gordon: "This is nonsense."Yet

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-37412387846069752242011-05-04T11:56:00.000-07:002011-05-04T13:04:49.732-07:00

We often discuss in depth the effects of parents using their power to control behaviors and situations. For those parents and children who are on the opposite end of the spectrum, here are some reasons why we believe permissiveness doesn't work:Sending I-Messages or "Talking Straight" can be hard. We sometimes hide our true selves - our thoughts, feelings and opinions. We're afraid of disapproval

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-79644976652364504532011-04-27T12:08:00.000-07:002011-04-27T12:18:28.524-07:00

I have known parents who profess a liking for children, but who by their behavior clearly demonstrate that they like only certain kinds of children. Fathers who value athletes often tragically reject a son whose interests and talents are nonathletic. Mothers who value physical beauty can reject a daughter who does not fit the cultural stereotype of female beauty. Parents whose lives have been

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-59548474280518072322011-04-20T10:59:00.000-07:002011-04-20T13:58:49.758-07:00

A common question arises from parents regarding how to use the P.ET. skills when it comes to the safety of their children. "What about when my kids start fighting and hitting each other?""I saw my son about to ride his bike in the middle of the street into oncoming traffic. I ran out to grab him but felt confused about using my power to stop him.""I see that P.E.T. is against setting limits. What

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-17835024589231854662011-04-12T14:57:00.000-07:002011-04-13T13:14:13.343-07:00

Learning any new skill takes time and practice. P.E.T. is no different from learning a new sport, language or work procedure.P.E.T. teaches skills and concepts that are foreign to most people. Each person has a feeling about which "stage" of learning you are in. These are the four basic stages that participants find themselves in during and after going through the P.E.T. course, reading the P.E.T

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-10544022906952456692011-04-06T11:59:00.000-07:002011-04-06T12:17:37.794-07:00

Dialogue is to love what blood is to your body. When dialogue stops, love dies and resentment is born.Dialogue has risks, unfortunately. However, when two or more people decide to do it and accept their fear of the risks, dialogue will bring important rewards.This is the miracle of dialogue: it can bring relationships into being, and it can bring into being once again a relationship that has died

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-92036499733495044452011-03-30T12:17:00.000-07:002011-04-12T15:59:53.562-07:00

Here is a list of some of the main benefits of using Active Listening:Is it your check on the accuracy of your listeningIt shows the sender that you are interested in him or herIt proves to the sender that not only have you heard, you have understoodIt tells the sender you can accept him/her as a troubled person NOTE: The keyword here is accept (i.e.,

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-39340880519842072862011-03-23T13:42:00.000-07:002011-03-23T14:03:44.966-07:00

In P.E.T., the use of flexing your parental power to "control" your children is something we strongly oppose. Many parents have a hard time accepting this concept and ask things like:"But don't I need to show them who's boss? Or else my kids will walk all over me and not learn to respect me."Proponents of parent "authority" fail to recognize that there are four very different kinds of authority

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-55895551431054292842011-03-16T12:46:00.000-07:002011-03-16T13:12:18.937-07:00

There are a number of ways you can modify the physical environment of your home to prevent or minimize behavior that would cause you a problem, cause your child a problem, or result in a parent-child conflict. Changing some part of the household environment can be especially helpful in modifying the unacceptable behavior of very young, pre-verbal children. While most people think of Modifying the

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-32323431093807734572011-03-09T10:38:00.000-08:002011-03-09T11:55:04.145-08:00

By Selena Cruz George, P.E.T. Program ManagerMany parents feel that after a certain age, their children simply stop talking to them about what is going on in their lives. After years of unresolved conflicts, hostility, punishment and "You-Messages", teens in particular will sometimes "fire" their parents and cease communicating on a deeper level during those very important adolescent years. When

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-19968964220259633322011-03-02T15:48:00.001-08:002011-03-02T15:50:57.146-08:00

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-28184233461348679192011-03-02T15:44:00.000-08:002011-03-02T15:47:05.454-08:00

P.E.T. Core Competencies - after participation in the P.E.T. course, it is expected that parents will have the ability to:1. Determine who “owns the problem” in a given situation.2. Identify the 12 Roadblocks to Communication.3. Distinguish between Roadblocks and Active Listening.4. Avoid the Roadblocks that cause most helping attempts to fail.5. Recognize when their child needs their help as a

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-59744492856662755342011-02-02T11:43:00.000-08:002011-02-02T12:30:05.667-08:00

How Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) brings them in!By: Larissa DannIntroductionThe author has been teaching Parent Effectiveness Training in Canberra for the past 13 years. Over that time she has noted a relatively high attendance rate (35%) of men (fathers, step-fathers and foster parents)Lundahl et al, 2008 suggest that the attendance rate of fathers at parent education courses is

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-74700943845020281862010-11-23T14:33:00.000-08:002010-11-23T14:43:46.435-08:00

By Linda Adams, President of GTISilence can mean many things in interpersonal relationships. It's ambiguous. It can express lots of different emotions ranging from joy, happiness, grief, embarrassment to anger, denial, fear, withdrawal of acceptance or love. What it means depends on the context.When Silence is Golden Silence can be a very powerful way to "be" with another person, especially

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-25707471060648249682010-11-18T11:48:00.000-08:002010-11-18T12:03:52.483-08:00

Active Listening GuidelinesKnow when to use Active Listening. Use it only when you're free enough of your problems to feel accepting and want to help other people with their problems. Know when not to use Active Listening. It won't work when you're feeling unaccepting of the other person - when you own the problem. Nor will it work to influence them to change some behavior you don't

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-90679593367114663272010-11-17T13:26:00.000-08:002010-11-17T13:35:07.182-08:00

The following describes the six steps of the No-Lose Method:Setting the StageBefore using the No-Lose Method, the people involved need to understand the method and commit to using it to resolve the conflict.Step 1: Defining the ProblemThis is the most important step. Each person needs to state their problem in a way that doesn't blame or judge the other person. I-Messages are the most

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-51886718069826873712010-11-15T16:28:00.000-08:002010-11-15T16:31:26.852-08:00

Holiday Season and CommunicationThe holidays. What can be a very stressful time of the year - with family/friends visiting, traveling, holiday shopping and everything in between - it is important to remember what the upcoming festivities are about. Self-disclosure and effective communication will benefit healthy relationships. This is where we all could practice using our Preventive

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-4885278307979613852010-11-02T09:57:00.000-07:002010-11-02T10:47:04.008-07:00

The Negative Effects of the 12 Communication RoadblocksWhen parents say something to their children they often say something about them. This is why communication to children has such an impact on them as people and ultimately upon the relationship between you and them. Every time you talk to your children you are adding another brick to the relationships that is being built between you. And

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-26032733872674292722010-10-26T15:52:00.000-07:002010-10-26T15:55:14.619-07:00

The discipline issue arises as an inner conflict for the majority of parents. In Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) classes we find that most parents start the class torn between being authoritarian and being permissive, just like this mother expressed: "With our first child I was strict and that didn't work, so when the second child came I decided to be lenient, but that hasn't really worked

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-31429174610338328972010-10-20T10:41:00.000-07:002010-10-20T10:49:54.769-07:00

Values CollisionsWhen you have a values collision, the first step is to understand the real differences between you and the other person. Active Listening is the best tool for doing this.The next step requires you to make a choice. Can you accept the differences and let things be, or do you really feel it important to try to change the other person?Can you reconsider your values and perhaps

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-12629183942391671322010-10-19T10:08:00.000-07:002010-10-19T10:12:58.108-07:00

What Makes For Good and Bad Relationships?A few years ago Rob Koegel, a professor at the State University of New York at Farmingdale, asked students to respond to a questionnaire about their best and worst relationships. Some of the questions were about relationships between the students and people of more or less equal status such as friends, partners, siblings and the like. Others were about

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-26173557806374968752010-10-05T12:12:00.002-07:002010-10-05T14:32:26.351-07:00

Objective: To arrive at a mutually acceptable rule or decision on an important family issue or situation.Set the Stage_________________________________________________Agree on a time when everyone who will be directly affected by the rule or decision can be present. (Involve only those affected).At the appointed time, sit in a circle (around a table) so that all can see each other. Have the "

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-56056748831273433442010-09-29T11:57:00.000-07:002010-09-29T13:31:15.763-07:00

The Value of Clear Self-DisclosureWhen you communicate clearly you are telling others about yourself. Therefore, you want to be:opendirecthonestrealstraightgenuineclearupfrontYou want to give accurate information about you.You want to share how things are really going for you. You want to express your real thoughts and feelings.You want to avoid blaming others or telling them what they should

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-11496075944976294702010-09-28T10:53:00.000-07:002010-09-29T11:54:08.173-07:00

Step 6: CHECKING THE RESULTS There are Six Steps of the "No-Lose Method". After going through the first five steps, Step 6: Checking The Results is important to make certain everyone's needs have been met and the solutions from Method III conflict resolution turns out to be the best.It's not always the case that all solutions from Method III conflict resolution turn out that way. Sometimes

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-2470662876977464312010-09-21T11:31:00.000-07:002010-09-21T11:34:25.559-07:00

Who is GTI and what does GTI offer?Gordon Training International was established in 1962 by Dr. Thomas Gordon. We are a human relations training organization and we offer workshops, trainer certification and books - all based on the Gordon Model. We are now in 48 countries. To contact us, please email us at info@gordontraining.com.Who is Dr. Thomas Gordon?He was the founder of Gordon Training

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-58042733446776487832010-09-20T09:50:00.000-07:002010-09-20T09:58:23.486-07:00

Active ListeningMany people think that they can get rid of their feelings by suppressing them, forgetting them, or thinking about something else. Actually, people free themselves of trouble-some feelings when they are encouraged to express them openly. Active Listening fosters this kind of catharsis.Just like in this Baby Blues comic, the daughter is expressing to her father that she wishes her

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-15817799497469200622010-09-07T12:26:00.000-07:002010-09-07T12:38:01.204-07:00

Many young people who have learned the Gordon Model of building democratic relationships have willingly shared the benefits and rewards they have experienced.They always begin by talking about their own family:"When my Mom and Dad and I don't agree on everything, it (the skills) really helps because we don't let things get out of control and everyone's feelings are less likely to get hurt.""I

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-35349662282408350622010-09-01T10:04:00.000-07:002010-09-01T10:07:24.209-07:00

Why Conflict is a Good ThingBy Linda Adams, President of GTIConflicts between people are a normal, natural and inevitable part of life--at work, at home and in all our relationships with others. Unfortunately, most of us don't really accept this fact and we still get surprised and distressed when it's clear that a conflict has emerged.As long as everything is going along smoothly, it's easy to be

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-57544558181225168182010-08-26T15:28:00.000-07:002010-08-26T16:07:31.561-07:00

MORE COMMON ERRORS IN ACTIVE LISTENING THE NUMBER ON ERROR!: Using Active Listening when the other person's behavior is in the bottom part of the listener's Behavior Window. Nothing turns people off to Active Listening like trying to use it when another person's behavior is unacceptable to you. (An absurd example: Responding to repeated kicks in the shin with, "I get that you're feeling

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The 12 RoadblocksWhen other people have problems, you may want to give "good" advice, ask key questions, reassure them that "everything will be okay," take sides, warn them, or judge them.However, as these 12 Roadblocks or barriers indicate, these common attempts to help often do more harm than good. They take "ownership of the problem" away from the other person. They usually make people

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-64109502712419087662010-08-12T15:39:00.000-07:002010-08-12T15:50:48.509-07:00

Active Listening BenefitsHere is a list of some of the main benefits of using Active Listening.1. It is your check on the accuracy of your listening.2. It shows the sender that you are interested in him/her.3. It proves to the sender that not only have you heard, you have understood.4. It tells the sender you can accept him/her as a troubled person.NOTE: The key word is accept (i.e., the

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-76458643410581227292010-08-09T12:05:00.000-07:002010-08-09T12:37:33.002-07:00

Send Preventive I-MessagesPreventive I-Messages let the other know ahead of time what you will need and want. People are better able to help you meet your needs if they have a clear picture of what you will want and why.Some examples of Preventive I-Messages:"I'd like to know what time we're having dinner so I can call my friend.""I'd like use to decide what needs to be done on that report so I

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-76220230030009190452010-08-05T14:47:00.001-07:002010-08-05T15:23:31.522-07:00

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN METHOD III DOESN'T WORKYour success with Method III will increase with time as you become more and more skillful with the process and your Active Listening, I-Messages and Gear Shifting skills become more natural. As your children and family member's level of trust and comfort with Method III grows, your success rate also increases.When Method III does not "work", it is usually

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-20148678941877573022010-08-03T12:40:00.000-07:002010-08-03T12:55:39.034-07:00

By Linda Adams, President of GTIAs we recall the many things for which we are thankful, we feel especially grateful to and appreciative of all the people around the world who teach, who advocate for, who use the Gordon Model in their own lives and relationships. Ever since 1962 when Dr. Gordon taught the first PET class in a Pasadena, California cafeteria until August of this year when Sister

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-68390212311152435762010-07-29T13:47:00.000-07:002010-07-29T14:18:56.077-07:00

Common Errors in Active ListeningThe following eight faults result from the listener's failing to stay tuned in with the speaker's feelings or the inability of the listener to keep his/her own ideas or feelings out of the listening process.Example:Speaker: "I'm really mad that Tracy has been flirting with my boyfriend."LISTENING FAULTSOver ListeningOvershooting: Exaggerating the feeling the

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RESEARCH SHOWING BENEFITS OF CONFRONTIVE I-MESSAGESBaumrind, D. Child Care Practices Anteceding Three Patterns of Preschool Behavior. Genetic Psychology Monographs, 1967, 75, 43-88.Children who rated high in self-control and self-discipline were found to have parents who refrained from punitive punishment, using instead a reasoning approach--that is, messages that told the children the negative

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APPRECIATIVE I-MESSAGES ENHANCE AND STRENGTHEN RELATIONSHIPSOne of the most enriching forms of self-disclosure is the Appreciative I-Message. These are messages that describe parents positive feelings toward their children. Although kids do plenty of things that are problems for parents, they also say and do plenty of things that are a pleasure, often helping a parent in unexpected ways or

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-21541795661640550692010-07-22T12:45:00.000-07:002010-07-22T13:03:27.434-07:00

Winning vs LosingHow we solve conflicts and problems is not a reflection on our being "good" or "bad" parents. Our approach comes from what we have learned from interactions with our own parents, teachers, friends, bosses, coworkers and others in our work and life. We are doing our best with the tools we have been given. For many parents, there is a fear of losing control and becoming victims

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-65766252914517922042010-07-19T12:55:00.000-07:002010-07-20T08:53:25.386-07:00

Confrontive I-Messages: How to Say What You FeelAn I-Message is a non-blameful way of talking to others when their behavior is causing a problem for you. Since an I-Message doesn't blame the other person, s/he is much less likely to get defensive. I-Messages are a way of taking responsibility of your own thoughts, opinions, ideas, feelings and needs and expressing them.It's hard for someone to

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-14860307971452024472010-07-15T13:36:00.000-07:002010-07-15T14:30:52.456-07:00

Values CollisionsA value is anything a person believes will make the quality of life better, or very concrete like food or money.Parents generally want their children to adopt their values in the believe that their children's lives will become as enhanced as their own lives have or could have been.By and large, children do adopt the great majority of likeable parents' values. They do so largely

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-47015106507077902822010-07-06T12:31:00.000-07:002010-07-07T09:29:26.460-07:00

The Behavior WindowIn your personal and school life you have many relationships; each one and each person with whom you interact is unique and different.In relationships, you cannot see inside others. You can't really know what they are thinking or feeling, what they value, or what their needs are. You can only see, hear or touch their behaviors.A very useful way of thinking about another's

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The following example is taken from a report of an actual situation submitted by a parent after completing P.E.T.A Family's Vacation Rules"Last summer we decided that we and our four children (nine, eight, four and two) would go to the Canadian National Exhibition, a huge annual event in Toronto. We live nearby, but the decision was made somewhat reluctantly because my husband, Dave, and I

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-49153076006573110172010-06-28T16:01:00.000-07:002010-06-29T09:41:30.464-07:00

Declarative I-MessagesThe most basic form of self-disclosure is the Declarative I-Message - your disclosure to others of your beliefs, ideas, likes, dislikes, feelings, thoughts, reactions, etc. Declarative I-Messages are statements which let other people know better - let them know how you feel and where you stand.Some examples of Declarative I-Messages:I love to dance.I don't enjoy violent

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-4864920009072358382010-06-24T14:22:00.000-07:002010-06-24T14:32:08.819-07:00

We would like to share a great testimonial/letter we received from our friends from down under. A P.E.T. Instructor from Australia recently held a P.E.T. course and here is a great e-mail letter the soccer dad/coach sent to the parents of his soccer team:We hope you enjoy the letter as much as we did! :)****You may have noticed that I take a slightly unorthodox approach to the way I communicate

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-19205420428801529842010-06-22T14:11:00.000-07:002010-06-22T14:20:47.322-07:00

More free"It seems to me (a mother that before P.E.T. I had to play certain roles--be a certain way. I don't think I have to be that way anymore. I'm free to be me. And to risk that I'll still be loved and accepted, and if not, well that's all right...And it's freed my husband to be more open, more willing to talk about things and not hold feelings in...The whole thing about sending an honest

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-43097698490287511012010-06-21T15:54:00.000-07:002010-06-21T16:02:02.566-07:00

3-Part Confrontive I-Message EvaluationPurpose: To evaluate your own three-part Confrontive I-Messages.Directions: Use this rating to help you improve your Confrontive I-Messages:Very Effectively/Effectively/Not Very EffectivelyI described the other's specific behavior without blame.I described the actual, real effects the behavior had on me.I expressed my feelings honestly.I "shifted gears" *

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-76540419367467539062010-06-16T11:30:00.000-07:002010-06-16T11:59:17.730-07:00

Real Parents Using Active ListeningExample 1Child: I don't want to go to Eric's party tomorrow.Parent: The party doesn't sound like fun to you, huh.Child: Right. Eric isn't fair and I don't like him.Parent: You dislike Eric now, 'cause you think he's unfair.Child: Yeah. I can't stand him.Parent: You don't want to be with him at all.Child: That's right. He never plays what I want to

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COMMON MISTAKES IN ACTIVE LISTENINGThe good news is that your Active Listening does not need to be perfect to work; however, you can make refinements and increase your success by understanding and avoiding these common Active Listening mistakes.These are the eight most typical mistakes; notice that each error has a counterpart error in the opposite direction.Here are the definitions and examples

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-66789129957081675912010-06-10T13:17:00.000-07:002010-08-10T12:37:54.321-07:00

Coping Responses: Fight, Flight, SubmitThere are many ways people cope with being controlled. Most of them fit into the three coping styles listed below.1. Fighting: resisting control, getting back at the controller in different ways, trying to come out as a winner with the controller being the loser.2. Escaping: avoiding or running away from control--keeping thoughts within yourself or

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Research Results of a Family Training ProgramTwo hundred fifty-eight school children and their parents attended a six-session video-based training program that included among other components the same basic democratic skills offered in both Dr. Gordon's Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) course and Family Effectiveness Training (F.E.T.):Open CommunicationProblem OwnershipSending Confrontive

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Method III encourages--actually requires--children to think. The parent is signaling the child: "We have a conflict, let's put our heads together and think--let's figure out a good solution." Method III is an intellectual exercise in reasoning for both parent and child. It is almost like a challenging puzzle and requires the same kind of "thinking through" or "figuring out." I would not be

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When You Own the ProblemBeing in relationships with other people--parents, sisters, brothers, friends--inevitably means that at times their behavior will be unacceptable to you because it interferes with you getting your needs met, prevents you from enjoying your life or makes you angry.You want to use skills that will be effective in bringing about a change in the other person's behavior and yet

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-28382739044036713522010-05-27T12:17:00.000-07:002010-05-27T12:26:38.203-07:00

Changing the Environment* Simplifying: making the home easier for the child to function independently and effectivelyExamples: mirror at child's level; stool to reach water faucet and cup; clothes rack lowered; cereal and plastic bowls in low cupboard* Rearranging: displaying, storing and placing elements in the home to eliminate or encourage certain behaviorsExamples: covers over dangerous

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The Negative Effects of the 12 RoadblocksHere's a list of reactions people have told us they had when they owned a problem and the other person used the Roadblocks:They made me:stop talking, shut me off.argue.feel resentful or angry.feel I'm being pressured to change--not accepted as I am.feel I'm not being understood.feel I've been interrupted.feel I'm on the witness stand being

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We obviously see many benefits for self-disclosure, both for the parent, the child, and others. But where do you draw the line? Should you disclose everything you think and feel? What should you share with your children? With your spouse or friend? Or with no one?The best guideline we can offer is: do what's right for you, and what's right for your relationships. The ultimate purpose of

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-85340061216175041742010-05-19T10:11:00.000-07:002010-05-19T10:59:58.412-07:00

The Appropriate Conditions for Active ListeningTo listen to another with the intention of helping that person deal with a personal problem is to assume a counseling posture. Such a postures is characterized by having the intention of helping another person; using good attending behavior; being accepting, empathic, and genuine; and using Active Listening. For this counseling posture to work well

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-42819981054945923672010-05-18T11:54:00.000-07:002010-05-18T12:01:50.243-07:00

A co-worker forwarded this article to me and after reading it, I felt I had to share it here:Children Who Get Spanked Have Lower IQsBy Jeanna Bryner, Senior Writerposted: 24 September 2009 09:12 pm ET"All parents want smart children," said study researcher Murray Straus of the University of New Hampshire. "This research shows that avoiding spanking and correcting misbehavior in other ways can

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-70551048019090186942010-05-17T12:50:00.000-07:002010-05-17T12:52:30.952-07:00

By Linda Adams, President of GTI"She's unfriendly.""He's a skeptic.""My child misbehaved."While these may seem like simple, harmless descriptions of people, in fact, they are laden with judgment.What did that person do or say for me to jump from focusing on their specific behavior to the conclusion that they're "unfriendly" or "skeptical" or "misbehaving"? Why is it that we automatically put

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-63320226749126367722010-05-11T16:07:00.000-07:002010-05-11T16:10:49.342-07:00

Listen!There’s a poem about listening by an unknown author. This little poem expresses several thoughts about what people want from their partners, friends, and children.ListenWhen I ask you to listen to meAnd you start giving me adviceYou have not done what I asked.When I ask you to listen to meAnd you begin to tell me whyI shouldn’t feel that wayYou are trampling on my feelings.When I ask you

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The Benefits of Active Listening to ChildrenFeelings get dissipatedTroublesome, negative feelings are more apt to go away when they are expressed and accepted.Feelings become friendlyIf a parent accepts a child's feelings with Active Listening, it helps the child accept them and not feel they're "bad."Produces a deeper feeling of caringBeing heard and understood by their parent makes children

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-15826673563145287362010-05-06T12:02:00.000-07:002010-05-06T12:10:22.159-07:00

In honor of Mother's Day, let's find ways to show our Mother's that we appreciate them--by sending Appreciative I-Messages! Appreciative I-MessagesThese are I-Messages that describe your positive feelings about another person. Appreciative I-Messages express appreciation, enjoyment, affection and love towards parents, brothers, sisters, friends, grandparents, etc. They can contribute greatly

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-89848670312667499422010-05-04T10:09:00.000-07:002010-05-04T10:19:00.903-07:00

The Teen YearsI am now convinced that most theories about the "stress and strain of adolescence" have focused incorrectly on such factors as adolescents' physical changes, their emerging sexuality, their new social demands, their struggle between being a child and an adult, and so on. This period is difficult for children and parents largely because adolescents become so independent of their

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We sometimes hide our true selves--our thoughts, feelings and opinions.We're afraid of disapproval, disagreement, criticism or rejection by others. The need to be liked and accepted is very strong.So we keep our real thoughts and feelings to ourselves.We lose touch with what our true feelings are.We later become angry and resentful because we didn't speak out.Other's don't know what we really

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Remember this part of the Credo:At those times when one of us cannot change to meet the other's needs, let us acknowledge that we have a conflict and commit ourselves to resolve each such conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power to win at the expense of the other's losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution

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Mr. G., the father of two adolescent boys, came to class and reported that his first attempt to put I-Messages to work has ended dismally."My son, Paul, contrary to what you told us, started sending his own You-Messages right back to me, like h always does.""Did you send I-Messages yourself? asked the instructor."Of course--or I think I did; I tried to anyway," Mr. G. replied.The instructor

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Families Need RulesAll groups, of whatever size of nature, need laws and rules. Without them, groups may very well fall into confusion and conflict. The functions that rules can serve are essential. They can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts between people; define rights and privileges; establish what is considered appropriate, fair and equitable in human relationships; and provide

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Here are the answers to yesterday's quiz! The answers are in blue.Your child tells you she is worried about failing an important test at school. - Child Owns ProblemYour daughter expresses her disapproval of her brother's friends. - Child Owns ProblemYour children often leave a mess in the kitchen and leave you the responsibility for cleaning. - Parent Owns ProblemYour child is learning to play

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Here's an exercise/quiz to help identify who owns the problem and an opportunity to receive a 15% discount on your purchase from anything in our GTI store! (http://www.gordontraining.com/store.html)The purpose of this exercise is to learn to identify who has unmet needs and therefore "owns the problem."Directions: Read the following situations. Have The Behavior Window handy to enter the number

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-41945632610498804342010-04-19T12:20:00.000-07:002010-04-19T12:25:43.015-07:00

Beyond Active Listening to Method IIIWhen the messages are not clear, as in the case of prolonged anger or silence, a lot of Active Listening is necessary. Sometimes even vigorous Active Listening isn't enough and the parent needs to introduce Method III and offer to guide the children through it. A good deal of confronting may be necessary to resist the children's tendency to either give up (

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-32736193815932333382010-04-14T16:07:00.000-07:002010-04-15T08:58:33.088-07:00

Nonintervention to Show AcceptanceParents can show acceptance of a child by not intervening in his activities. Take a child who is attempting to build sand castles at the beach. The parent who keeps away from the child and occupies himself with an activity of his own, permitting the child to make "mistakes" or create his own unique design for a castle (which will probably not be like the

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How Children Really React to Controlby Thomas Gordon, Ph.D.When one person tries to control another, you can always expect some kind of reaction from the controllee. The use of power involves two people in a special kind of relationship - one wielding power, and the other reacting to it.This seemingly obvious fact is not usually dealt with in the writings of the dare-to-discipline advocates.

Gordon Training Internationalnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7879454410928889426.post-28754135783436791812010-04-07T10:22:00.000-07:002010-04-07T10:25:58.323-07:00

You may learn how similar you are to other people or how different you are.You become more aware of what your thoughts, feelings and needs are so you can act in accordance with them.When other people know how you feel and what you need they can often help you get your needs met.Clear self-disclosure is a way of taking responsibility for yourself.Clear self-disclosure is important in relationships

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